MY MOST BORING FRIEND
Blog My used-to-be Friend
THE MOST BORING
FRIEND I EVER HAD
I say HAD because she's no longer my friend, not since I told her how
boring she was. I'll call her Monique. What was so boring about her?
All she talked about at work was how her mother-in-law had wrecked
her marriage and how her husband had run off with a neighbor woman
and how they had taken all the money out of the bank and were living
in splendor while she had to work and suffer and suffer. Day after we
had to listen to Monique rave on and on about what they had done to
her and how terrible they had been. She hated them and wished they
were dead. Now this all happened over 20 years ago, and she'd been
griping about it ever since. Because I rode to work with her and was her
friend, the others at work pleaded with me to tell her how boring she was
and how sick and tired they were of listening to her go on and on about
the same thing over and over again every day
. Some of them had tried
to tell her,
but she ignored
them completely. I admit that I had quit
said some time ago. I’d heard it all for so
long that it
went in one ear and
out the other. But other people couldn’t
do this. They insisted
that I be the one to bring it home to her.
I began to give some thought as to what I should say to Monique
way to say it. You know, all those little sayings about forgive
letting go of resentment, it poisons your soul, quit living in
the past, get
a life here and now, etc. I memorized them all and got
ready to reason
it out with her on our ride home. It was for her own good.
“Monique, it’s about time you quit talking about the past,” I said
started in on how they were living in splendor while she had to
work and suffer.
“It's best to forgive and forget.”
“What do you mean?” she asked with a surprised look. I usually never
commented on her ramblings.
“You know, quit talking so much about your mother-in law and your
husband. That all happened so long ago. Everybody’s getting tired of it.”
“But that’s what happened to me. It was terrible.”
“Can’t you ever talk about anything else? It’s boring to hear about
it over and over.”
” You don’t know what it was like,” she moaned. I could see that she
wasn’t getting it. I had to be more direct.
“Yes, I do know. I’ve heard it so blasted many times I’ve got it all
memorized. And it’s boring the hell out of me and everybody else.” Her
expression changed. She stared at me a moment. She raised an eyebrow,
then curled her upper lip.
“Why you little #@&," she screamed at me, "and I thought you
were my friend.”
“But Monique, you can’t go on living in the past,” I pleaded. She
the curb and abruptly stopped the car. “You must forgive
and forget, it’s
poisoning your soul.”
“Get out, you #@%$!” she screamed and pointed to the car door.
“Get out! Get out now!” I shook my head and exited the car. The tires squeeled
as she darted away. Well, I had tried to tell her.
Next day at work, the crew
“Did you tell her?” they asked. I nodded.
“What did she say?”
“She swore at me and kicked me out of the car,” I said matter of
factly. Everyone began to laugh. For some reason, they thought it was
the funniest thing they had ever heard. They couldn’t quit laughing.
“Sorry,” some of them apologized after awhile. “The way you said it,
couldn’t help laughing. We know it wasn’t really that funny.” But they
still snickering. Every time they saw me that day, there was a
big grin on their
There were some other results. Monique quit talking to me,
although she speaks
everyone else at work. And, low and behold, she quit
talking about her
She began to talk of other things, real things.
and over for
getting her to change. Maybe someday
she will begin to
talk to me again.
* * * * *
Lynn Norscott is the author of "The Little Pig Who Couldn't Get Fat."
Available on line
from Tate, BooksaMillion, Amazon, Barnes&Noble, etc.
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